To JDate or not to JDate - part shtayim (bet)

Bonus points if you get the pun in the title of the post. Just saying . . .

At this point, I have chosen not to JDate, though I highly recommend going to this blog:
http://www.searchingforprincecharmingstein.com (note that the link above takes you to the first post, which certainly helps to explain every post thereafter.

I have, however, joined a site called OkCupid! - recommended by my college roommate (incidentally - also named Becca). I was initially skeptical, but the site is free, and we all know free is my favorite number. So I signed up last Monday and I've already had one date and have two more pending details. I must say that there are a number of questions I never considered when choosing a potential life partner.

For example:

STALE is to STEAL as 89475 is to...

• 89457
• 98547
• 89754
• 89547

or

Without using a dictionary or other tool, can you choose the commonly misspelled word? Don't cheat! It's okay if you don't know.

• 1. separate
• 2. definate
• 3. committee
• (Not sure / dumb question / who cares)

There were also a variety of ethical and social questions such as whether or not contraception is morally wrong and if women have an obligation to keep their legs shaved. I certainly have opinions regarding both topics, but must say, it's never come up on a first date. Or a second date. Or in any previous relationship. But it's an interesting set of questions, nonetheless.

Piece of advice for those looking to woo me - you won't get very far if you ask me how to fix your iPhone in your first communication/message with me. Let's just say - decline to state . . .

To JDate or not to JDate?

I was talking to a friend at the pool this weekend who has tried some dating sites without success. She frequents Plenty of Fish and has not been particularly lucky in finding a man who uses the head on his shoulders and not - well - the other one. I mentioned that she might have more luck on a paid site - because at least these people have invested $30/mo to be less of a douchebag, so the prospects are probably better. Which brings me to the subject of this post. I, like many of my people, am - how should I put this? - thrifty. My mother owned a resale clothing store and I follow in her frugal footsteps. I have a hard time, therefore, putting money I don't have into a dating site that may or may not yield results.

Though there are always success stories, I challenge you to find a nice Jewish girl (or boy) who doesn't have some JDate horror story. Yes, it is certainly helpful to find someone who finds marginal value in a shared faith, but that does not rule out the weirdos, ass hats, and elitists. In the suburban areas, there's a particular problem in that the pool is just not that large. Almost every friend I have who has frequented JDate will go on a few years later - look at a profile picture - and try to figure out why that person looks familiar. Aha! Because you dated him four years ago. I will say, it does not inspire confidence that this has happened to me several times as well. But I'm not getting any younger and haven't met someone new in a really long time.

Let's be honest, after college, exposure to a large group of like-minded people (who don't work with you) is hard to come by. There's also the generally safe assumption that college students aren't married - and those who are will probably be divorced in five years anyway. I'm six years past my Hillel days and have gone on only one date in that time period that was not initiated online. It's the world we live in folks. It sucks, but hey - it's where we are. Sure - there's the bar scene, but A) I kind of hate bars, B) The likelihood of the man chugging the Heineken being one of the chosen people is pretty slim, and C) I'm not sure I want my first encounter with my future companion to occur in a dark area where neither of us is operating on all cylinders. So I'm left with the question of what to do.

I tried speed dating - which didn't exactly work out the last time. At my friend's bachelorette party, I managed to sit with an entire table of 30 year old (theoretically) single Jewish attorneys and didn't get a single phone number (thanks for the Conga line timing Heidi). I also went on Birthright with about 15-20 guys (some of whom were unattached) and came up empty. I feel like I'm left with no other choice than to give the J-site another chance. So I will say there is a high likelihood that I will sign up during their next 'savings event' likely to occur over labor day weekend.

The comments section is completely open for alternative suggestions. I will give the caveat that I reserve the right to openly mock/categorically reject the suggestion - but still - I'm open . . .

I fought the law(s of physics) and the law won . . .

This is the last disclaimer I'm going to give about the length of a post. You can see the scrollbar on the right and read at your leisure. Just sayin . . .

I've spoken extensively about my battles with geography. The planet pretty much wins every time, compass in hand or not. It turns out that I also battle with bedding. I fought with my new duvet for 3 ½ hours on Wednesday night - for the record - it won. In case you're wondering (which - really? things that I say and do surprise you?), yes - I lost a battle with a blanket. In my defense, I was tired and physics was not working in my favor. Perhaps I should explain . . .

My cat, Hayley, though very cute, can be a giant brat. When she feels I have failed her in some way, she expresses her displeasure on my clothing and bedding. After learning the hard way several times, I became expert at making sure no clothing stayed on the floor when not in my direct line of sight. Unfortunately, Hayley is very aware that my comforter will be on my bed at all times and I will most certainly notice the unpleasant smell. Though I'm not a terribly fast learner, after the second ruined comforter, I learned to only get bedding that is machine washable. My (now former) comforter served me pretty well - lasting about a year and a half - but its' seams were not so much sewn together anymore and the beautiful stitching and delicate sequins were but a memory. Fed up with constant trips to the laundromat in order to use an industrial-size washing machine, I figured there must be a better solution. Which brings us to the predicament with the duvet.

I went to Bed Bath and Beyond and explained my dilemma to the highly knowledgable people in the bedding department. We came up with a solution involving a queen sized down comforter, a king sized waterproof mattress cover, and "easy to use" comforter clips. Here's a tip - anything that is marked 'easy to use' is inherently going to require a PhD in Useless Skills (yay Liberal Arts degree!). I also bought a duvet cover there that I liked but wasn't in love with. I found a different duvet on Target's website later that evening, so ordered the Target one and returned the original purchase to B³. I'm always hesitant to buy things online that require adequate sizing/color matching, but I went with it cause it was so darn pretty. The package arrived at my office, I opened it, and I immediately noticed that the colors did not translate well online. There was more yellow and orange than I expected and it was sort of a bust. To shorten the story, we'll say that I shopped online for several more days, and trekked to Macy's, JC Penney, and Kohls. In case you find yourself in a similar situation - I will caution you that none of these stores have much - if any - merchandise on site. Almost all duvet purchases seem to occur online because those of us in the market for a duvet clearly don't care about the color or texture of our bedding. Even the beloved B³ has a limited selection in store. One of the employees at Kohls made a passing remark that Ikea seemed to have a great selection of duvets.

Those of you familiar with the behemoth that is Ikea know that no trip there is short or simple. Three floors of every imaginable product found in a home/apartment/condo/dorm/tent spread out for eternity do not make for a quick shopping experience. I hadn't had dinner at this point, so was grateful that it is entirely possible to quite literally live in an Ikea as they also have a cafeteria. Once I'd had sustenance, I trekked on and found myself in the bedding department - surrounded by a seemingly endless selection of duvets in every color and pattern. Let us please remember that I am a) indecisive, b) easily distracted, and c) all about texture and feel, so this was quite a feat. I narrowed it down to two that I liked (in a mere 90 minutes), searched endlessly for the right sizes and managed to also pick up several organizing baskets. I made my way to the self-checkout after last call and drove the ten-ish minutes home to finally assemble the duvet that had been sitting in my living room since the previous Friday.

This is where physics and I battled it out. I suppose you could also say that I fought geometry, but I think my general lack of spatial skills is all-encompassing, so draw your own conclusions. I'm sure you asked yourself the question earlier, why get a mattress cover instead of a duvet cover? This was the only option I had. No duvet cover that I could find (online or otherwise) appeared to be reliably waterproof, or even water-resistant. So I fought for an hour and a half with the comforter and the mattress cover, trying to figure out how to effectively clip the corners of the down comforter to the non-existent corners of the mattress cover. Of course, as I think on it later, it seems pretty obvious. Stuff the damn comforter in the cover - take advantage of the giant zipper, and clip the corners of the comforter to either the top or bottom part of the mattress cover. My response? Bite me! Where the hell was that answer at 9:30 on Wednesday night?? I'm sure you've done the math and realize that I fought with the duvet for an additional two hours after finally getting the stupid comforter into its cover. Let me also pre-emptively say that I considered (multiple times) throwing in the towel and just using the comforter as it was - with the intention of trying again after a good nights sleep. As is my way, I told myself I was almost done and to just finish the process. Then it was 11:00. Then it was midnight. Then this whole 'turn the duvet cover inside out, clip, and flip' concept made me want to commit mayhem. Then it was 1:00 AM and I had finally managed to effectively clip all layers together and place the duvet on my newly made bed.

I now realize that I probably should have gotten a king size duvet cover instead of a queen - but that's going to wait for another time. It was also brought up to me that this much trouble went into putting a duvet cover on that will (by design) be coming off, so perhaps I should reconsider. Here's my response: if you would like to pay the tab at the dry cleaner - have at it.

In conclusion (as expected) Physics: 1, Becca: 0.