I'm pretty convinced that 60% of the residents of Illinois made a New Years resolution to go the exact speed limit. And - to get a head start - they began on New Years Eve. Here I am, driving along a pretty empty one lane road driving behind someone who appeared to set cruise control to 2 miles under the speed limit. I will give you that I have a lead foot and silent road rage, but I rarely express it. This was war, though - I had a New Years Eve party to get to and I was running late. Did I mention that I was going to the 3rd Annual Boring New Years Eve Party? I find that to be a minor detail. Out of blind frustration (or rage), I flashed my brights at the ignoramus in front of me to no avail. Lest you think that I always do this or I advocate dangerous driving habits, please understand that all bets are off if it's raining, snowing, or dark and curvy with no lights (I'm looking at your Northwest Illinois). I will also say that there are a number of roads where the speed limit doesn't make much sense, so I'm occasionally guilty of going under the speed limit. If, however, there is someone behind me, I do my best to go as fast as I comfortably can or pull over and let the person pass. I have anger issues - I get it.
I finally make it around moron #1 and drive along for a few minutes, grateful that I'm coasting at 5-10 miles over the speed limit (I'm not a completely crazy person, after all). Again, two lanes turn into one and I decide to let the driver in front of me (heretofore known as "moron #2") stay in place as we merge. Moron #1 and moron #2 were clearly communicating telepathically, because this dude was also going under the speed limit. Really Illinois? REALLY??!! In an unprecedented move, I flash my brights at this other guy - also to no avail. I curse loudly, remembering what my mother once told me about the car being the perfect place to express anger. Nobody can hear you scream and as long as you're not tailing people, no one really gets hurt: it's a win-win. If nothing else, I'll say my road rage is genetic.
45 painful minutes later, I got to the party and had a very nice time. I chalked the evening's crawl-a-thon up to general malaise in McHenry County. Over the next several days, however, I ran into this situation over and over again. Now January in Chicago is usually pretty icy and treacherous - Snowmageddon 2011 brought us 20 inches of snow in one day. People - it's 54 degrees outside. In January. In Chicago. Global Warming is not just a myth but I'm quite sure this sudden realization is not what's slowing people down on the streets. I'm not a fan of driving in ice and snow, particularly when it's dark, but let me reiterate - 54 DEGREES, broad daylight, NO CONSTRUCTION, what the hell is wrong with all of you?? We all know that quotas don't kick in until the end of the month - I'm pretty sure going 5 miles over the speed limit won't get you pulled over. On a major road. When it's sunny. And traffic is light. Seriously, people, it's the one on the right that makes the car go vroom. I suggest you make friends with your gas pedal.
That is all.
