So technically, this post has nothing to do with the four weddings I'm attending throughout the summer and fall, it's actually about the funeral part. Perhaps some explanation is in order.
My childhood best friend's father passed away between Christmas and New Years of last year. Though he didn't have a will, he did have an advanced directive - requesting a party be thrown in the event of his death. Additionally, the directive was marked with a happy face. The party was thrown back in January and, unfortunately, I was unable to attend. It was especially important to me, therefore, to fly out for the ceremony at the cabin in Northern California where we were going to spread his ashes.
I'll spare you the details of the flight, as, all told, it was not terribly eventful, particularly considering my affinity for messing things up while travelling. The flight was delayed, so I didn't get into San Francisco until about midnight - 2 AM to my sleep-deprived body. I waited patiently for Becca (yes - my best friend's name is Becca) to pick me up. We got in the car and I noted that the heat was on full blast. Granted, it does get cold at night, but this seemed excessive. Becca explained that - despite getting a full tune-up on her car - it was acting kind of funny. We got to her place in San Mateo and quietly carried our - well *my* - stuff upstairs so as not to disturb the family Becca nanny's for.
I don't remember if it was in the car or in the house, but Becca told me her mother had called in a panic - "I forgot Todd!!". Becca's immediate reaction/response was that he didn't need to be fed or anything - seeing as he's dead. Then she realized - oh, you forgot Todd/Dad, his ashes need to make it up to Pinecrest. Umm, oops. Given that it was pretty late and we were both tired, we were kind of punch drunk for the evening and I was tasked with remembering several things that needed to make it up to the cabin once we stopped at Becca's parent's house. Dad, Salmon, Ice, Cake, Pillow. I sort of feel like the ice wasn't in the initial list, because I would have made a much better anagram/acronym if there was a vowel, but whatever. We got to sleep pretty late - I would guess 1:30 - with the intention of leaving by 6:00 AM. We were both aware that it would be a great success if we made it out of the house by 6:30, which is why we were quite pleased that we were in the car by 6:10. Becca brought out bottles of water, which I assumed were for us to drink on the drive up. She turned on the car and noticed that the heat was up incredibly high. She knew she needed to put water in one of the tanks, but was a little unsure as to which one. With my handy iPhone and iPad, I was sure I could find the manual for her '97 Honda Civic. In case you're curious - it's virtually impossible to find - particularly in a format that can be read on a mobile device. She eventually decided that her initial guess was probably right, and we headed to the house. I remembered the fish, she remembered the pillow, we were basically good to go.
We got to the house, went inside, and saw the list on the table of what we needed to bring. It was placed on top of the urn - so as to make sure it wasn't forgotten. It occurs to me now that I'm not entirely sure how the list was there in Eve's handwriting and yet the contents of the list were not, but I digress. First on the list was 'Daddy', which made me laugh. We had all the necessary items, went out to the car, and noted that it was still overheating. We decided, again, that this was a bad thing. I looked up a list of mechanics and determined nobody would be open before 8:30 anyway. Figuring we both needed to eat, we went to breakfast at a place within walking distance. After breakfast, we got back in the car and drove it to the nearest mechanic. He looked at the car, determined everything looked as it should but the car was clearly not acting correctly, and apologized that it was a holiday weekend and no other mechanics were available. Being the calm people that we are, Becca and I freaked out a bit.
With the car parked at the gas station, we frantically made phone calls to everyone we knew who might be willing to lend us a car for the weekend. My rabbi - who was on his way to shul - recommended we just rent a car, as he and his family had three drivers and two vehicles. My credit card didn't have a ton of money available and Becca didn't own a credit card, so we were at a bit of a loss. After searching through Enterprise's website, I came upon Hertz. Thankfully, they were able to accept a debit card, so we got the address and drove over. Refer to previous posts about my sense of direction and note that Becca was relying on her iPhone - not necessarily a wise choice. We drove back in the other direction and I had the bright idea of looking at the numbers on the buildings, until we eventually found our destination. After several mishaps involving a credit check I wasn't sure would go through, we managed to put the rental on a debit card and make a decision of which car to use. There was an economy car of some sort and a bunt orange convertible. Ah - the age old question of substance or style. Naturally, we chose style.
We (again) drove to Becca's parents house, rearranged the luggage and such, and quickly realized that the convertible didn't quite accommodate the makeshift cooler required to transport the cake and the fish. Back inside we went, until we came upon a small bin that seemed to be fine for the task at hand. Inside the green bin were at least seven Apple keychains (the rainbow kind from the 80s and 90s), and I begged to claim one. Becca said she would ask her mom because she wasn't entirely sure who they belonged to and didn't want to make assumptions. I pouted, but we got in the car, packed things quite well, and went on our way. I should note that I had to be careful to not put my seat all the way back so as not to crush Dad (in the wooden urn). Top down, sunscreen applied, we were finally on our way, albeit four hours later than planned.
We drove for quite some time, realizing that putting our hair up was a wise decision, and eventually landed at the half way point. In Oakdale, we stopped for lunch and enjoyed the bizarre local community and the cop on a horse. A man in a banana suit tried to get us to buy fireworks, but we both have a policy of not buying explosives from people dressed as fruit. I stand by this decision. Realizing that were were transporting rather a lot of dead things (her Dad, the fish, something else I can't remember), we wondered why that wouldn't qualify as enough passengers to go in the carpool lane. Thankfully, it wasn't an issue. After being on the road for five hours, we finally made it up to Pinecrest, unloaded the car, and called the cabin to let them know that a) we arrived safely and b) we needed the boat to pick us up.
We arrived at the cabin, settled in, and attempted to figure out where we would sleep. Mind you, this is not so much a cabin as a five bedroom house, but still. When we arrived, there were five people under the age of 16 and five people over the age of 30 sleeping in the cabin. The beds were, therefore, all taken. We attempted to setup a pop-tent (that was missing pieces) that seemingly was made during the Vietnam War. Eve (Becca's mother), said that she had a big pop-tent, but we're pretty sure it only seemed big the last time it was used, because Becca was likely 7 at the time, so it wasn't as challenging to fit the family inside. Three of us were required to assemble the tent, and a few not-quite power tools were involved. Thankfully, my tent was pretty standard and had all the required pieces.
Accommodations setup, we decided to go swimming. I should mention that it snowed over Memorial Day, so the lake was only slightly above freezing. Becca and I took a complete lapse of sanity, and slowly made our way into the rocky lake. Thankfully, I remembered that there were several parts of the lake that seemed like they should be open water, but in fact had giant rocks. I consider it a miracle that I made it out without breaking skin. After a long day of travel, we ate dinner and went to sleep.
The following day was filled with activity, as a bajillion more people came in for the memorial service, including several children and a dog. As we setup the table, we quickly realized that 30 people would not fit, despite our attempts to make the table as big as possible. Thankfully, the owners of the cabin next door had a table that we were able to setup and cram the remaining occupants around. We noshed on snacks and admired the craftiness of the family, including the lovely viking ship made of twigs. One of Eve's friends came out and assembled a sandwich, telling us that Eve was pretty sure she had eaten several, but didn't actually have a full recollection of doing so. Anthea (the friend) would therefore witness the act, just to be sure. Eve came out and ate another sandwich, explaining that the boat was in the oven. Thinking we misheard her, Becca repeated - "The boat is in the oven?" Why yes - is that a bad thing?
Alright, so a boat made solely of twigs and now wet (from making sure the boat would float in the water) was in an oven, being watched over by a woman who couldn't remember if she had eaten a sandwich. There was epic fail potential EVERYWHERE. We were assured that other people were supervising the endeavor, but that only made me question the sanity of the others who seemed just fine with putting a wooden object in an oven. Thankfully, all the pieces made it out alive, nothing burned down, and the ship was assembled and lovely. We ate dinner, spoke wonderful words about Todd, and prepared for the service. The occupants of the cabin next door joined us on the rocks overlooking the lake. Though it was a challenge, we did manage to fit 37 people on a rock that probably should have only held 15. Not that we questioned the sturdiness of this rock - it certainly wasn't going anywhere - but there didn't seem to be enough nooks and crannies to ensure everyone would stay put.
Thankfully, we all managed to find a place to sit, brought the citronella candles in a feeble attempt to avoid mosquitoes, and watched Becca, her sister, and her mother, carefully climb into canoes, being handed candles, a lighter, the boat carrying Todd, and the papers and other items assembled for kindling. The three of them set out on the water and made feeble (and unsuccessful) attempts to light the flame to give Todd his final resting place in the lake. We all remarked that Tood was probably laughing from heaven at his three girls trying to make this beautiful memorial come to fruition. Next thing you know, Eve leaned a little too far over and flipped the canoe over - still holding Todd. The 30-some of us panicked, realizing that the water was freezing and praying that Eve would be able to come back up to the surface. Eve eventually bobbed up and we heard the uproarious laugh distinctive to Eve. A few people had the bright idea to get into the boat and save Eve, though she refused the ride and chose to swim to shore instead. Several people grabbed towels, robes, and blankets, hoping that Eve would not suffer hypothermia. We all remarked that this was probably the most fitting memorial for such a wonderful man.
Indeed Tood, you will be missed, but will always be remembered with a laugh and a smile.
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