I warned in the description of this blog that some of the posts would be serious. I think we all know that I possess a quick wit, so there may be a funny moment or two, but for the most part, this is no laughing matter.
I was hurt very deeply by someone I'd grown quite close to last week. Our relationship was precarious from the start, but the potential for growth, both personally and professionally, was too much to pass up. So I continued to stay in this relationship, often against my better judgment. After putting an ungodly amount of work into a particular project, I was unceremoniously removed from all aspects of it. Passwords were immediately changed and there were some words spoken that were both untrue and uncalled for. I was devastated. The accusations against my character were pretty ridiculous and left me questioning all I had finally learned to love and accept about myself. What up with that b*tch?
Which I think brings us to my current state in the grieving process - this was a loss after all. I know more than enough about the stages of grieving, which is an unfortunate circumstance of the events in my life. But hey - if I can help others, power to me. I even did a webinar in April, thereby proving that I know what I'm talking about. In this webinar, I reiterated what many will say - which is that the stages of grieving are not necessarily experienced in order and not all stages will occur for every person and/or every loss. I can safely say, therefore, that I was never in denial about the loss. I started off at sad and went straight to angry - rather quickly actually. Frankly, I have every reason to be angry. I did everything to the best of my ability, took accountability for the things I could have done better, and was still told - in different words mind you - that I suck at life.
So now comes the what to do about it part. I've realized that I have a hard time being angry when there doesn't seem to be a "reason" for it, which is likely why this didn't come up earlier. Scratch that - it did come up earlier, I made the same mistakes, the same things happened - sounds like a pretty damned good reason to me. So do I send the (admittedly long) email I composed - explaining why I was upset? I'm thinking . . . no. I'm going with calling friends and sending an S.O.S message to a few people:
"It's been a pretty rough week and I could definitely use some time with caring, awesome people. Guess what? You guys are all caring and awesome!! Not sure what your plans are for the next few days but I'd love to hang out. Feel free to invite other caring, awesome people. "
I'll tell you that nothing beats a night of Mitsuwa, "Hamburgers", and a random Blues Brothers drive-by. Some of the residents of Mount Prospect may have been confused, but the three of us sure enjoyed ourselves. I will admit that the anger has waxed and waned over the last few days. There have been a few emails working out some logistics and there's still a part of me that gets that crappy feeling in my chest when this person's name pops up on Facebook, Twitter, or the Instant Messaging client du jour. Mostly, though? I'm dealing. And if that doesn't work - hey, that's why God invented kickboxing!!
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