I fought the law(s of physics) and the law won . . .

This is the last disclaimer I'm going to give about the length of a post. You can see the scrollbar on the right and read at your leisure. Just sayin . . .

I've spoken extensively about my battles with geography. The planet pretty much wins every time, compass in hand or not. It turns out that I also battle with bedding. I fought with my new duvet for 3 ½ hours on Wednesday night - for the record - it won. In case you're wondering (which - really? things that I say and do surprise you?), yes - I lost a battle with a blanket. In my defense, I was tired and physics was not working in my favor. Perhaps I should explain . . .

My cat, Hayley, though very cute, can be a giant brat. When she feels I have failed her in some way, she expresses her displeasure on my clothing and bedding. After learning the hard way several times, I became expert at making sure no clothing stayed on the floor when not in my direct line of sight. Unfortunately, Hayley is very aware that my comforter will be on my bed at all times and I will most certainly notice the unpleasant smell. Though I'm not a terribly fast learner, after the second ruined comforter, I learned to only get bedding that is machine washable. My (now former) comforter served me pretty well - lasting about a year and a half - but its' seams were not so much sewn together anymore and the beautiful stitching and delicate sequins were but a memory. Fed up with constant trips to the laundromat in order to use an industrial-size washing machine, I figured there must be a better solution. Which brings us to the predicament with the duvet.

I went to Bed Bath and Beyond and explained my dilemma to the highly knowledgable people in the bedding department. We came up with a solution involving a queen sized down comforter, a king sized waterproof mattress cover, and "easy to use" comforter clips. Here's a tip - anything that is marked 'easy to use' is inherently going to require a PhD in Useless Skills (yay Liberal Arts degree!). I also bought a duvet cover there that I liked but wasn't in love with. I found a different duvet on Target's website later that evening, so ordered the Target one and returned the original purchase to B³. I'm always hesitant to buy things online that require adequate sizing/color matching, but I went with it cause it was so darn pretty. The package arrived at my office, I opened it, and I immediately noticed that the colors did not translate well online. There was more yellow and orange than I expected and it was sort of a bust. To shorten the story, we'll say that I shopped online for several more days, and trekked to Macy's, JC Penney, and Kohls. In case you find yourself in a similar situation - I will caution you that none of these stores have much - if any - merchandise on site. Almost all duvet purchases seem to occur online because those of us in the market for a duvet clearly don't care about the color or texture of our bedding. Even the beloved B³ has a limited selection in store. One of the employees at Kohls made a passing remark that Ikea seemed to have a great selection of duvets.

Those of you familiar with the behemoth that is Ikea know that no trip there is short or simple. Three floors of every imaginable product found in a home/apartment/condo/dorm/tent spread out for eternity do not make for a quick shopping experience. I hadn't had dinner at this point, so was grateful that it is entirely possible to quite literally live in an Ikea as they also have a cafeteria. Once I'd had sustenance, I trekked on and found myself in the bedding department - surrounded by a seemingly endless selection of duvets in every color and pattern. Let us please remember that I am a) indecisive, b) easily distracted, and c) all about texture and feel, so this was quite a feat. I narrowed it down to two that I liked (in a mere 90 minutes), searched endlessly for the right sizes and managed to also pick up several organizing baskets. I made my way to the self-checkout after last call and drove the ten-ish minutes home to finally assemble the duvet that had been sitting in my living room since the previous Friday.

This is where physics and I battled it out. I suppose you could also say that I fought geometry, but I think my general lack of spatial skills is all-encompassing, so draw your own conclusions. I'm sure you asked yourself the question earlier, why get a mattress cover instead of a duvet cover? This was the only option I had. No duvet cover that I could find (online or otherwise) appeared to be reliably waterproof, or even water-resistant. So I fought for an hour and a half with the comforter and the mattress cover, trying to figure out how to effectively clip the corners of the down comforter to the non-existent corners of the mattress cover. Of course, as I think on it later, it seems pretty obvious. Stuff the damn comforter in the cover - take advantage of the giant zipper, and clip the corners of the comforter to either the top or bottom part of the mattress cover. My response? Bite me! Where the hell was that answer at 9:30 on Wednesday night?? I'm sure you've done the math and realize that I fought with the duvet for an additional two hours after finally getting the stupid comforter into its cover. Let me also pre-emptively say that I considered (multiple times) throwing in the towel and just using the comforter as it was - with the intention of trying again after a good nights sleep. As is my way, I told myself I was almost done and to just finish the process. Then it was 11:00. Then it was midnight. Then this whole 'turn the duvet cover inside out, clip, and flip' concept made me want to commit mayhem. Then it was 1:00 AM and I had finally managed to effectively clip all layers together and place the duvet on my newly made bed.

I now realize that I probably should have gotten a king size duvet cover instead of a queen - but that's going to wait for another time. It was also brought up to me that this much trouble went into putting a duvet cover on that will (by design) be coming off, so perhaps I should reconsider. Here's my response: if you would like to pay the tab at the dry cleaner - have at it.

In conclusion (as expected) Physics: 1, Becca: 0.